Remember the Memories

We all know that life is fleeting and even our own lives will one day end, but sometimes we don’t grasp how true or quick that it can be.

Recently, my grandmother passed away, and I still can’t fathom her being gone. Months ago she became ill, was admitted to the hospital, and diagnosed with Leukemia.

My grandmother was the type of woman to keep busy, from cooking dinner for the whole family to constantly cleaning (not just her own home). When she became ill, we definitely noticed a difference in her energy.

As we told her what the doctors diagnosed her with, she stayed strong. It was her wishes that those of us who knew not tell anyone else. She told my mother and me that she refused to accept the illness and asked that we all simply pray. At that moment, I felt as though everything would be okay. Naturally I cried when I first heard the diagnoses, but I felt okay after seeing her strength. My mom, uncle, sister, and I felt as though everything would be fine, and that she would be victorious over the illness. Regardless of the end result, we planned to trust in God and have faith that it would be okay.

She began at a local hospital and was then transferred to Houston. I saw tremendous strength in both my grandmother and mother. My mom stayed with her nearly the entire time she was in the hospital, with the occasional help of family members.

It was incredibly hard to see my “Momo” so quiet and still at times. However, she never complained, but I could tell she was withholding how she felt. My grandmother always read her bible, devotional, and prayed even throughout the night at times. I saw a peace in her, though I could tell she was hurting. She had always been a faithful woman, and I saw that faith grow as she fought the illness.

After weeks of no good news, the doctors said her vitals were stabilizing and told us she was strong enough to be transferred closer to home. They even began to mention the word “remission.” We were told that she would benefit from one more chemo treatment, and her percentage of cancer cells were only at eight percent.

The night before she was to be transferred, her vitals became unstable and they planned to send her to ICU. This was only so they could give her the fluids and the treatment she needed all at once. The doctors specified that that was the only reason.

The next day, my sister woke me up to tell me my uncle was on his way to take my grandpa to Houston. I was perplexed as to why, so I called my mom. She said that everything was okay, not to worry, and that my uncle was simply going to visit. Her voice sounded uncertain which concerned me. Later, I was told my grandma was just holding on long enough to see my grandpa.

My whole world started spinning and I was basically in shock. I tried to pull myself together so that my sister and I could say our goodbyes.

Once I texted my fiancé, he suggested I drive to see her even if there was a chance I wouldn’t make it in time. Luckily, we got there in time. About one to two minutes after arriving my grandmother closed her eyes and stopped breathing.

I’ve had dreams of her passing, but I never thought that day would have come so soon. She was like a second mother too me and I remember spending whole days with her. I used to ask her for advice or just sit with her in silence.

I miss her laughter, her silly faces, her funny stories, her biblical advice. Also the thirty minutes of conversations while taking her to and from dialysis, and her telling me how she would make the nurses laugh. I’ll never forget how excited she was to dress up for Halloween and to win the dress-up contest. I miss walking in to her house and seeing her playing scrabble or putting together a puzzle. I’ll miss the love she put into her cooking and awesome massages. I will greatly miss her smile and messages she sent to check on me when going out of town.

Growning up we didn’t have a lot, and we would spend most of our time at her house. So she would come up with Bible related games to keep us entertained. She did so much for us with so little, and I will forever cherish that. She taught me to ride a bike, how to knit, and most importantly taught us about Jesus.

To this day, I can’t believe that she’s gone. I wish I could sit next to her and watch tv as she would massage my head. I miss being able to go to her and for her to comfort me with love. She always knew what to say in order for me to feel better.

There aren’t enough words to express how amazing she was and how much I miss her…how much we all miss her, and how she’s touched so many lives. I wish I could have her back, but I know she is rejoicing and in a better place. One day I hope I’ll be able to see her again, kiss her on the cheek, and give her an embracing hug once more.